Nights like this, everything seems so distant in the past that sometimes I don't even remember us anymore. But there isn't a day where I don't think of you, where you don't cross my mind.
Some days are better than others, but some days I find it unbearable to drag myself out of bed. It's been getting easier though, a lot easier than the previous times. Somehow it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders with you gone.
It doesn't mean I don't miss you though, I miss you a whole lot. But not the current you, the old you, the one that used to love me. The current you is someone I no longer want to associate myself with nor would I want anything to do with for the time being and possibly the near future as well.
Frankly I don't know if I even love you anymore. Maybe I do, just not as much and as intense as I did before. I no longer want to be your girlfriend, you've hurt me too much for me to ever go back to you. With you, I'd just be a pile of insecurities that you continuously fed and if I have to be very honest, I don't want to love you anymore. I want it to stop. You don't deserve it at all.
And you know what? I don't deserve to feel this way. I don't deserve to pour my entire heart out to someone for that person to just take it for granted and trample all over it. I deserve someone who's good to me, someone who'd never make me feel like I wasn't good enough.
It's no use trying to relight a flame that has burned out so many times, one that you careless extinguished because you 'panicked'. I tried really hard to make things work with you but you're not worth it anymore. I'm better off finding someone new.
And you're right, by the way. The methods you employ, they really do make me hate and resent you. If anything, these negative emotions overpower any positive feelings I have towards you greatly.
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