22/10.

Sometimes I wonder what life would be like once I've gotten over you and moved on. I wonder if I’d be able to look back and not feel the pain.

Rachel didn't want to let go of V because she thought she’d never find someone who would like her sans makeup. I think I’m different I suppose, I know I’d be able to find someone out there. I guess I just find it hard to let go because I don’t want to forget.

I’m afraid of losing touch with the feelings I have and I’m afraid that the memories we made together will slowly fade away. I’m scared I’ll forget your little quirks and the small details and things that made up our relationship. Maybe that’s why I held your face for so long that night, I was trying to remember every little detail of it.

My friends think it’s best I delete all the photos of us, and of you, to quicken up the moving on process. I can’t bring myself to. If I delete it, I’ll lose them forever and it’ll be as if we never existed. And I don’t want that. I don’t want to pretend like we never happened. I don’t want to have to act like you didn't mean anything to me, when in fact, you meant you everything to me.

Sometimes I wonder if you think about me, if you think about the cruel things you did and the things you said to me. If you ever felt regret for all of that. And I wonder if you ever miss me. If you ever ached to speak to me.

I woke up this morning and in the span of one hour of being awake and having gone for lunch, a few things had woken up two distant memories of us. Remember that Sunday morning where we were eating outside? The night before we were joking about wearing our Sri KDU PE shirts but when we came out, we were wearing the exact same one. I also remember that one time you were in the dining hall waiting for me, you took both asian and western food for me because I told you I couldn’t choose. I remember what they were, chinese fried rice and hash browns.

I also remember watching Frozen together in the auditorium at the start of our relationship. It was really cold and we held hands throughout. I was so nervous next to you, but happy. Very, very happy.